We were originally of Scottish Blood

My life in Pictures

Last Update 04 April 2008

The stories I am trying my best to remember, please correct me if you know better...
Ena, meanie, mine... mine... mine... mo....re....!
Author Derek Beattie

Derek Morgan

The early evening started as normal, we left Joes house to visit Conway Square, but Morgana la Faire interrupted the peace and tranquillity with one of the funniest events i have ever seen...
To get to Conway Square we had to leave Joes house at the bottom of South Street and head up past Ena Burns Shop, now Enas was one of those "Open all hours" type shops that sold a little of evetything.  including an amazing selection of sweets in large glass jars. As we approached the shop Derek said "Wait here, either side of the door and watch this...". We knew he was always up to something for a laugh or to cause havoc in some way but apparently this idea had just struck him,..  we awaited as he entered the shop,. there was Ena behind the counter with two elderly ladies the other side,.  Enas was the local catch up centre for any gossip that was doing the rounds so the three were deep in muffled conversation when Derek entered and did not expect what was coming..... In an extremely loud voice he said "CAN I HAVE SOME SWEETS PLEASE...?"  the old ladies jumped in the air and Ena shot backwards with a shocked look on her face,...  after a few seconds Ena said "There's no need to shout..."...  "WHAT...?"  said Derek,..  "YOU MUST EXCUSE ME I'M A LITTLE DEAF",.. "Oh my" said one of the other old ladies "Poor thing, he's deaf",.. "What can i do for you" said Ena,.. "   WHAT...?" said Derek.... "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU" shouted Ena...?   "I'D LIKE SOME SWEETS PLEASE" said Derek,.  "Which ones" said Ena,... "WHAT" said Derek,.. "You'll have to speak up Ena" advised one of the elderly ladies.... "WHICH ONES" said Ena,.  "THOSE ONES" said Derek, pointing to the top shelf which required the use of small step ladder.... Ena duly climbed the step ladder and pointed to a jar,.. "These ones" she said.,.. "WHAT" said Derek,... "THESE ONES" said Ena,..     "HAVE THEY GOT LICQUERICE IN" said Derek,... "NO" she said,..  "OH" said Derek "I LIKE LICQUERICE"  Ena dismounted and moved the ladder along a little and again ascended it,.. "How about these" she said    "WHAT" said Derek,..   "THESE" said Ena,.. "NO" said Derek,."THE GREENY COLOURED ONES"  ,... "THESE" she said pointing to another jar,.. "I think he means the mint ones" said one of the elderly ladies " Derek turned to her "WHAT" he said ... "IS IT THE MINT ONES YOU MEAN...?"  "NO" he said "I DON'T LIKE MINT"   there came a small pause whilst the ladies had a quick discussion about his possible needs,...  one of them had a brainwave..." CAN YOU TELL US WHAT YOU DO...LIKE BEST"   Derek mused and rubbed his chin,.    "STRAWBERRIES, COOKED HAM, CHOCOLATE, HAMBURGERS,ORANGES, LICQUERICE, FISH AND CHIPS, PINEAPPLE CHUNKS, SANATOGEN, BANANAS, SCRAMBLES EGG, RASPBERRIES, PASTIES, FRUIT AND NUT, CUSTARD, SAUSAGES..."      "NO,. NO "  said one of the elderly ladies, " I MEAN, WHICH SWEETS WOULD YOU LIKE BEST..."  again he mused and rubbed his chin,..  " RASPBERRY AND LIME CUSTARD" he said.. " WE DON'T DO RASPBERRY AND LIME CUSTARD" said Ena,..   "WHAT" he exclaimed,.. " WHAT SORT OF SHOP IS THIS,   YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANT AND WHEN I TELL YOU, YOU YELL ME YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY,.. FORGET IT I'LL TAKE MY BUSINESS TO MRS. HASKINS. "   with which he stormed out and slammed the door,.. we were transfixed with sore ribs and streaming eyes,.. the look on the ladies faces as he departed was worth a thousand Rembrandts,.. bewilderment,...

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